Do you remember what I mean? In the morning, when our bus docked at the pier, I went out. I was shivering from the cold. However, the weather in Istanbul was hot and above seasonal normal. Yes, I saw the cold for the first time at night especially my teeth were shivering and making noise.The ship has moved. As we got closer to the other side, the “small city” started to get closer. It was a little bigger than the town you know. It had a clean air. It was not a place that still excited me. I entered the university, registration procedures – like wandering around the city – ended in no time. I toured the city center, which has only one street. I am bored. I spent a maximum of half an hour waiting for the bus and set off for Istanbul.
My first reaction to those in the house was “No force can send me to this town.” Especially it is not such a close place, to Istanbul lovers like me. My decision was definite and clear, “I WON’T GO”.
When I first entered the classroom, I was like the emotion in Dostoyevsky’s Crime and Punishment book. It was like everyone was looking at me. Actually, there was no guilt psychology, but for some reason I sat in line with all eyes on me. Then I started to look at and to know what came after me, like the ones that caused my feelings. That day is not over. The dorm was already bored and empty. I looked there are people playing ball in the garden, I went to them. I had some fun. There was really destiny to play ball outside of Istanbul. I was committed to Istanbul as if I had sworn that my life would not leave Istanbul, and I am still in Istanbul.
In the canteen of the dormitory, the new ones always hang out one by one. They sit in the corner and begin to understand and recognize. Two children caught my attention. Daytime, I saw it in the department. One of them got up and ran to the window. I was following him. The Bosphorus is beautiful with lights. In the dark, it looks like a dark mountain, not a throat. He pulled himself out of the window. He looked like a good boy with a clean face. The other had very curly hair. We met, we were already in the same department, and the subjects made a rapid transition to our meeting one after the other and this “expatriate hand” integration. Days do not pass, but still …
The matches I played in the mulberry grove in the upper part of the neighborhood and our jokes do not go out of my sight. Someone would come from the house two weeks later, I couldn’t stop excited. They came, we met. Then, while saying goodbye, I got into the car they were going to, but they said “where”. Then we did not understand once again, I am here to stay.
The days, of course, do not pass again. We used to take three or five acquaintances with us while wandering the streets. We used to walk around the same beach. It was also getting fast to mingle with the department. Those who came from out of town like me were trying to adapt quickly. Youth is a really beautiful thing. He knows how to have fun, laugh and spend time.And they are always in action. I am always playing ball. I love football. It is both my means of being noticed in society and a love story that rests my soul. I said “don’t get noticed” because really people still have in mind the football that I played at that time.
Our environment gradually became crowded. But the streets did not grow. The roads did not grow. But you realize that you don’t always go down the same road with the same feelings. You never see the same thing when passing through the same street. I could not understand whether I was getting used to it or accepting it.
As the days passed and as we were out there lining up our days one after the other, our movements had also changed. There was no timidity or timidity on us. Everything was getting more fun. Teasing, jokes and laughter were in the air.
Even though we couldn’t enlarge the streets, we raised our feelings. We whistled outside the lights of the city and entertained ourselves, even though we didn’t make a sound. We expanded our dreams. We increased our emotions. Our thinking started asking questions everywhere. But we did all this without letting go of our hands once in the atmosphere of laughter and youth. Our memories were now forming. Our secrets had been formed. Our words and dreams started to multiply one by one. We used to go to the beach early in the morning. It gave a great peace of mind. The sun seemed to compete with the cold. It was as if you were experiencing two air currents together. Hot and cold. Then the beach would get crowded. It was always like a different feeling. A sweet tiredness and a light smile in the afternoon, as if in the mornings it was ruined, then rushed, calm at noon, and the movement was gradually accelerating.
Yes, I didn’t say the night. Because it is completely different at night. That pier, where the lighthouse is, is somewhere between silence and sound. The first strait I saw has no more that dark state, and it stands in front of you like a clearly bright place. The lantern, especially a grape wine, even organizes you against that cold.
I saw the first glow there. The songs even featured Ahmet Kaya’s song YAKAMOZ(glow) at that time. There I would listen to this song and admire that beautiful image.
My first expatriate was there. But do you believe me, host, not expatriate, I felt like I was at home. I learned close friendships there. Friendship, sacrifice, sharing, living together… Singing together… It was the first time that we shared our secrets. We did not walk around the same street with the same feelings… A movement there… A peace… One… one… one…
Yes, I fell in love with this city. I could not stop before I could do it anymore. I didn’t like summer vacations and breaks. I could not break away from the city. Even though he wanted to quit, I didn’t. First, I said there is a commitment from school and friends. Actually, I said I am dependent on the environment. No, nothing to do. Even though I saw many friends in Istanbul, my mind was still staying in that city.Drinking tea in the Navy, watching the beach in Kultur, listening to a folk song at Çamdan Cafe, drinking beer there once a month with scholarship money at Karpuz, going to friends at İt Durmaz Hill, dancing with your shadow while passing through the lights of the streets of the stadium, there to drink derivatives of grape. When you enter the historical Inn, to feel the slow touching music rising from the inside by pulling the mystical air that hits your face.
The voice of the driver saying “Does any one going to drop in kepez ?”
You probably understood what kind of commitment it was from the things I missed so far.
The song “When the first light of the day hits …” was playing on the tape. October is the month. I was sitting at home when school was over. A tear came in my eyes. All of them were then emptied. I went. I looked at the pictures. Then I had even more longing. After a few months, I was going to take the exam for the remaining lessons. I’m gone, when the time comes. But I did not return. I stayed there. Everyone at home, at work, everyone was curious. I called “I’ll try to stay here for now”. It’s done.
As I come across, those negative thoughts in me, my viewpoints have changed and I even get angry with myself as I come to mind.
This place had become my home. I didn’t like it. I was starting to feel that I belong here. Even at home, do we have anything to do with Çanakkale in the past? ” I was starting to think that there is now a definite link.
Years have passed since I still miss you, and when I hear its name, I feel like I have seen a relative or acquaintance rather than a city, it is no longer a city or a settlement area, but your own, ingrained into you, your essence.
“The land you stepped on without knowing
The place where an era sinks ”
May it be my gift to all Çanakkale lovers.